Mind Over Matter

I have a million things to say, but don’t know where to begin.

It’s a struggle everyday, a never ending battle I cannot win.

Mind over matter, and mine has taken the wheel.

My body hurts, and I can’t remember how to feel.

I’m living in a distorted reality,

My anxiety is the driver, I’m in the back

And I don’t think you understand the fragility,

My mind is an egg, ready to crack.

Can’t look you in the eyes, the pressure is too much.

I’m way too insecure, too broken,

Hence why I back away from your touch.

Despite the kind words you’ve spoken,

I admit to using my vices as a crutch.

Every day I’m reminded of the things I’m not.

Every day I fight to keep my head on straight.

And remember all the battles I’ve won and fought.

To forget how much I’ve lost weight.

And how much it hurts,

And tell myself I’m doing great!

But even I know, those are just words.

So when I say, “I’m doing my best,”

What I really mean is, “I need some rest.”

I’m reaching my breaking point,

I’m wrapped up in my own head,

The last thing I want is to disappoint.

Trying not to think that I’d be better off dead.