There’s No Way Out

My heart screams in agony as it tears itself in two, and then four, six, eight…

Until there’s thousands of pieces and no way to tell which pieces lie where. My knees buckle and I clench my jaw tightly as I sink to the ground, the hardwood slamming roughly against my knees. I put a hand over my mouth to stifle the sob ripping its way though my lungs, squeezing my mouth tightly to prevent any sound from escaping. My body trembles, the sobs rippling through me, getting bigger and bigger, more and more painful, harder and harder to hold back.

I rake my hands through my hair, trying to prevent myself from tugging on the delicate roots. My hands ball into fists, waving frantically in the air, desperate to make impact- with anything, really; Myself, another person, the wall.

My fist collides with my temple in a loud crack, and I pull away shakily, waiting for the headache to set in, but it doesn’t, instead my eyes glaze and red fills my vision as my fist makes impact again and again and again, hitting my temple, my forehead, grasping frustratingly at my hair, my breath coming in short, frantic gasps as my lungs heave and my body shakes.

And once the fight has left, the adrenaline finally fading, the tears dried, I let my hands fall slowly to my lap, my head pounding only dully now.

I let out a strangled sigh, gasping and choking on my own ragged breaths.

It was over, for now. And, if I was lucky, I wouldn’t have to worry about another outburst for the remainder of the day.