Stuck In Last Place

I try so hard, never to succeed.

While everyone around me steals the lead.

Hold my breath, afraid to talk.

On thin ice, on eggshells, I walk.

Watch my mouth, don’t make a peep.

I’ve never been one to make the leap…

I’m the last to learn, the last to know.

The last to see, and the last to grow.

The last to accomplish greater things.

And the last to see all the joy life brings.

I’m too afraid of my own downfall.

Too afraid others will think I’m small.

Always guessing what they’ll think of me.

Without letting them ever see the real me.

Because what if they don’t like it?

What if they’re afraid?

What if they think I’m unfit?

And see through my charade.

That I’m the last to get up,

And the last to bounce back,

I’m the last to disrupt,

And the last one to attack.

I break down and cry,

I have too much anxiety,

It’s more than being ‘shy’,

I just can’t stand society.

I don’t know what to say,

I’ve developed a stutter,

I always feel like I’m prey,

And all I can do is mutter.

The only attacking I’ll do is panic,

And then I’m sinking, like the titanic.

Drowning in own head, collapsing in.

Scrambling for breath, my mind in a spin.

I don’t know how it got this bad,

I don’t know what to do.

Overestimated the control I had,

I’m not sure what I’ve turned into.

I won’t speak a sound,

I won’t get on stage.

I may not rebound,

So I will not engage.

Which is why

I’m the last to learn, and the last to grow,

The last to see, and the last to know.

The last to accomplish greater things.

And the last to see all the joy life brings.